I’ve been staying with a family friend while my kitchen is being remodeled. She’s a warm, generous, motherly type who worries about things like how much sleep I’m getting and whether I’m eating enough. But I discovered a dark side when we were cleaning up the kitchen a few nights ago. She was washing a large knife, and began imitating the screachy sounds from the shower scene in “Psycho.” This was even creepier when I remembered that her maiden name is Bates.

When I was in grade school, I had a sort-of crush on Eric Shea, the actor who did the voice of Linus for A Charlie Brown Christmas. He also starred in a made-for-TV Disney movie called Alvin Fernald, Mayor for a Day. (Apparently, I was the only kid in the country who watched it, because I always get a blank look when I mention it to people.) I don’t think I liked anything specific about the actor - most of the appeal was that he was a kid, like me, and in movies. And though the reason for the attraction escapes me now, I still think his Linus voice was cool.

More than once I’ve dialed a phone number and then started reading e-mail, only to momentarily forget who I’m calling by the time the person picks up the phone. I think multitasking is overrated.

I had to come to work at 6:30 this morning for a photo shoot, and was famished by the time we finished at 9:00. I headed to the cafeteria and ordered a pancake from the grill. That may sound like a meager breakfast, but the thing was easily 10 inches in diameter. When my coworker John saw The Pancake That Ate Manhattan sitting on my desk a few minutes later, he said he’d consider betting a dollar that I couldn’t finish it. I’m glad I didn’t take him up on it, because I had to give up even before I reached the halfway point. I’m convinced there’s a Pancake Wall - once you hit it, you can’t possibly eat one more bite of the thing.

I had lunch with a former coworker over the weekend, and got an e-mail on Monday that said I'm "just as sweet as ever." A nice enough note, except that I dislike being described as "sweet." It always seems like a description people use when they don't know much about you (as evidenced by the classmates-but-not-really-friends who used the word when they signed my high school yearbook). In my thinking, "You're sweet" is simply a euphemism for "You have no personality at all, as far as I've been able to detect."

This week's heartwarming sports story, courtesy of Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly

You know that you’ve gone to a party out in the middle of nowhere when one of the guests walks in and says, “Hey, come out here and look at the herd of wild havelina!”

From a card I received last week –

Diary of a Golfish:
Swam. Ate some flakes. Tasty. Swam again. Didn’t wait long enough after eating and got cramps. Cramps went away. Swam.

It always surprises me to see poor writing in publications targeting professional communicators. I mean, this is writing for writers - shouldn’t the articles be especially well-crafted? I was glancing through a magazine from a national association of business communicators. Here are the leads from a few of the articles:

If you’re like most communication professionals, you’ve run your share of e-mail communication campaigns.

Professional communicators’ tools of the trade have remained relatively unchanged through the years.

The practice of communication has changed since Sept. 11, 2001, and there may be more challenges still ahead.
Yawn. No wonder I never have an interest in attending writers’ workshops sponsored by these organizations. I’m afraid my writing might get worse instead of better.

I'm trying to stay ahead of the holiday frenzy this year. Yesterday I placed an order with Amazon that marked the official beginning of my Christmas shopping. But it would be just like me to still be running around with the masses on December 24....

I watched “The Joy Luck Club” for the first time this week. When a friend found out I’d rented it, she said, “I watched that a few years ago. It’s a cute movie.”

Cute? Infanticide, spouse abuse, rape, child abandonment, suicide.... I haven’t seen so much tragedy in one piece of so-called entertainment since “Little House on the Prairie” went off the air. I watched it in three segments, and felt relieved when I finally made it to the end.

My friends Mark and Brenda had an unofficial contest between the two of them to see who could draw the biggest laughs at the polls today. When Mark placed his completed ballot inside the box and heard the clicking sounds that assured him the card had been "accepted," he exclaimed, "Did I win?!" When Brenda's turn came, she held her completed sample ballot in the air and asked, "Does anyone want to use this? It has all the right answers." (I think she won.)

I voted by mail this year, though it's not my favorite way to exercise my voting privilege. The mail-in ballot came with a sticker that says, "I voted early." I wore it today, since it looks enough like the official Election Day sticker to pass as the real thing. But I almost feel like I cheated....

Our office Coke machine has a button reserved for selections that rotate to provide a variety beyond the typical choices. Usually, it’s something like orange soda or root beer. But today I noticed that the button was marked “Caffeine-Free Coke - mixture of diet and non-diet.” Like people don’t care which one they get? I guess the calorie-counters in our midst are supposed to put in their coins and play a game of Caffeine-Free Coke Roulette.

My favorite classic TV show is "The Bob Newhart Show," so I was thrilled to learn that the accountant-turned-comedian received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor last week.

I took last week off for my Second Annual Autumn Home Improvement Vacation. I finished painting the back of my house (a work-in-progress started last year) and did some gardening, but mostly just enjoyed the excuse to be outside during my favorite time of the year.